pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize