then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Randomize
