Whod you bang
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
