Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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