fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
