someone threw a dead crab at me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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