so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
