he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
