I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
