how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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