So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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