I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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