He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
