My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the night ended with taco bell and tears
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
