i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
