Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
