"it" just moved
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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