dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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