I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will be naked everywhere
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
