Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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