Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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