Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
