so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
