Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
