If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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