I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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