You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
