you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.