i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip