Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.