Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
