Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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