Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
