U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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