I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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