Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
