my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
