so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
