he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
