My liver just broke up with me...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
