Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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