my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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