you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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