I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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