To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
