If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
