listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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