I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
