UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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