I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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