please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
