I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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