dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
nutella sex= disaster
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
