Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
