So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
