dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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