dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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