i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
