There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
