you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
