Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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