I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
