i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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