i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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