Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
