what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
