I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Couch. On fire.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
