Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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