The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
