Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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