highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize
