I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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