3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
