I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize