Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
